Things were going good so I stopped writing things down, and wouldn't you know it...things got worse. The thinking came back along with the raging feeling I get. It got so bad today that I was shaking because I was so pissed off and it turned me into a working machine. I like how much more work I get done when I'm like this, but the emotional toll it takes on me is so great that I don't know how much more I can take.
So I've realized that I spend the vast majority of my day waiting for a text that I'm not going to get and when I'm asleep, I spend a good amount of brain power waiting for an email that I won't get either. I guess this is why I wake up at least 3 times a night to check my email...and it's never there. I've sent her a couple of texts this week and have gotten nothing back which leads me to believe she doesn't give a shit anymore. Maybe there's more to it than what I'm reading into it, but I'm pretty sure about this one.
With the way things got weird, it also leads me to believe that there's someone else, or there was someone else while we were together, or that she was pregnant and had a miscarriage. I'm leaning towards her finding someone else that's more convenient for her so she doesn't have to make a three hour drive every other month or so. She also told me that she wants to say something back but when she tries, she just shuts down. That leads me to believe that she wants to break it off for whatever reason but doesn't want to say it...for whatever reason. I'm so exhausted from today I don't even know how I'm awake right now. Maybe I'll get more out tomorrow.
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