Even after you wake up in the middle of the night wondering if it was a dream, you still cry anyway because it's still something you want to happen. Even after you wake up again after the dream, having another act of the dream talking to yourself like you're still in the dream because you don't want it to end.
Not sure why I can't get past this and everyday it makes me think more and more that I've just missed the boat and it's never coming back. No matter how many pep talks I give myself, it doesn't help it from eventually coming back.
That then brings up the question as to who the the fuck said you have to be with someone in order to lead a full-filling life? I know a lot people that aren't happy with the person they're with, but everyday it seems like the person I'm unhappiest is with me.
It still feels like it was really me that drove her away and the family issues were just the excuse to shit can me. I haven't talked to her family and who I thought were my friends, in almost two months...and I hope I never talk to them again, only with her.
I want to self-destruct like no other, but I know that will get me nowhere in the long run. I want to drown myself in work, but there's no overtime to get lost in. I want to do another woodworking project, but I can barely stand up after working eight hours. I just want this nightmare to end, because I don't know how much longer I can take it.
