From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the how I handled the situation of when you said you had something to talk to me about because I handled it horribly. I panicked and didn't know what to do, say or think. I had completely lost my fucking mind really. I automatically thought of the worst possible scenario and my head took off like Forrest Gump with it and didn't stop running with it. I feel that is the reason that you wanted me to go home the next morning because of that and that I'm just a terrible verbal communicator when it comes down to talking about serious stuff. I've never been good at stuff like that and I'm not looking to make excuses because that was an epic fail.

I'm sorry about the last two visits you had here. I don't know how the first one was weird for you when we were at my house, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I had another epic fail when you came in for the baby shower. I've been running that in and out of my head, over and over on what I should have done and I'm sorry for what I did do. I'm sorry that I didn't show up earlier and go back with you guys to Mike's parents house to spend more time with you. I'm not reaching for excuses, but I really didn't know what to do and froze as everything passed me by.

I'm sorry if I haven't been getting the space you've wanted by texting you, but it's been hard. With everything that's been going on, it feels like I don't have anyone to talk to and I've wanted to bad to talk to you. I'm sorry if me texting you has made you close yourself off from me because that is the last thing I ever wanted.

Everything feels like it's entirely my fault and I could spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, but that wouldn't be enough time. I still have VERY strong feelings for you and I'm sorry that my actions or inaction's have changed the way you feel or think about me. I know it's been an extremely long time since I've been in any kind of relationship, but you've made me feel again which is something I didn't think was ever going to be possible again.

I know the recurring theme in this has been "I'm sorry", but I really am and I don't want it to seem like empty words or an empty apology because it's not. I don't know how much sense any of this is going to make because I haven't gone back and re-read it because if I do, then I'll never send it. Every time I've tried to write something and gone back to read it, I trash it because I think it's retarded...like helmet wearing retarded.

I hope you've been doing alright and that everything has been going well for you too. I hope we can talk sometime in the very near future as well.